Silly, random, and/or poignant one-liners, bits of conversation, and/or things taken out of context. 99% overheard in real-time. Occasionally a quote from a book or movie or whatever will make it if it fits the format and tickles me just right.
Recording religiously since 2001.
By Vanessa Query with Leonor Garcia, Chenoa Siegenthaler, and Lauren Shows
Go on, search for your name; you know you want to.
Oh my god. He stood up and almost fell backwards. That is why I don’t have kids.
— Craig
They were inseparable; they were literally joined at the hip.
— Bridesmaids
Made in the pearl or gunpowder tradition, hand-rolled into tiny pellets that unfurl into long green banners of satisfaction.
— actual description of a green tea actually called Temple of Heaven
- Alyson: He's limping and his tie is crooked.
- Vanessa: Maybe his tie is crooked because he's limping.
- Alyson: Or maybe he's limping because his tie is crooked.
nubtleties and suances
— as opposed to subtleties and nuances
yeah - we could do it, but it’d be rigged and probably wouldn’t slide well and every time you try and push it back it’ll get caught and you’d have to use 2 hands so then you’d have to put the baby down and then while you were trying to get the fucking thing to open he’s start crawling out the door and then you’d have to go catch him and then try and open it with one hand which you wouldn’t be able to do so you’d have to put him down again and hold him down with your foot but you’ll step too hard whilst you are focusing on the damn curtain and he’ll start to cry and then you’ll start to cry and then I’d come home to a pile of redheads on the bedroom floor crying….
— my mom, in response to my saying we could make a room divider around the baby’s crib by ourselves
You know that story about the person who was so gullible, that someone told them the word ‘gullible’ wasn’t in the dictionary, so they went ‘no way’ and looked it up? Well, I believed that story.
You’re good no matter what you do, but you’re better when you do good things.
— unconditional love (my mom to her grandson)
That felt just like a martini!
— my grandmother, after getting off a county fair ride she was afraid of but I convinced her to go on (from the archives, recorded circa mid-2000’s)
Every day, with rare exception, I have a martini. The exception is when I have two.
— my grandmother (from the archives, recorded circa 2003; knowing I recorded it, she has, on occasion, said, just before her daily martini, something to the effect of, “I don’t *really* want this martini, but I don’t want my granddaughter to think I’m a liar.”)
It’s the greatest thing to always know what your name is.
— my grandmother
In this economy, you can’t just go sticking quarters in people’s butts.
— Lauren
I know he’s a recovering crack addict, but why would he steal my bungee cord?
— Non-Sequiturs In Action (Vanessa)
